“You’re trapped.  You know it.  Crosstreams on both sides, Hawthorne tree behind you and a woman with an attitude dead ahead.” The Axe Hunter

The Nosferatu Vampire - A mock up of the German filmmaker Murnau’s vampire.  He is seen as a classic cinema variation.  This is a vampire trying to fit into a classic mold and therefore drawing his experience from what he has seen depicted in the media.  Through the characters bluster and pretense what we actually find is a young man as frightened in undeath as he was in life. Age is not necessarily important nor is the Max Shreik costume route; he has been played with a Bela Lugosi or Christopher Lee flare just as successfully.  At his heart this is a character that finds safety in the impersonation of evil but his soul betrays him when thrust against the truly horrific.

The Axe Hunter- Typically depicted as a younger woman with visceral elements of her conquest manifest on her body.  She is scarred, bruised, and dirty.  She is the symbol of lost innocence a fallen angel now hell-bent on torture and destruction.  Although not elaborated on in this opening sequence Cross Streams her pathology is explored in some detail in Strawjobs where we witness an almost sexual satisfaction in torture.  She is the most ruthless character in Vampire Monologues and the most frightening monster in the show because she is the most human in her justification of vengeance.


“…they’re whining about how they got to Judy Garland to late and Cher too soon.  What kind of respectable vampire song is Clang, Clang, Clang Goes The Trolley anyway?  This underworld just ain’t what I imagined it to be, I guess.”  Earle

Earle or the biker- Earle is a good ole vampire looking for a place to fit in.  This character is unrepentant in his southwest disdain of homosexuality.  He is the poster boy for homophobia, full of bluster and an idyllic machismo that in the end betrays his all too obvious subtext (a gay man that abhors the stereotype perhaps?)  He is a lonely creature intent on finding his Mecca.  He is a good ole vampire looking for a place to fit in.  Age 18-35


“How was I supposed to know the sight of her own blood would freak her out like that?  I’m not a shrink.”  Don

Don-Don is a hunter with a serious self-image problem.  Although not seen as your typical vampire enforcement officer Don has a need to show the ladies that he’s got the goods and the guts of the best vampire slaying legends. He is a slacker a classic gen x computer nerd who believes he’s finally found a way to impress women.  Ultimately however he’s just found another way to feed the vampires.  Age 20-35


“It’s bald head shines like a beacon in the blinking fluorescent light of a cheap motel six parking lot.” Rachael

Rachael-Rachael is trying to get used to the idea of being a vampire and having a hell of a good time doing it.  She is shy, bookish by nature, a wallflower with a big secret.  The juxtaposition of the old human Rachael with the new vampire Rachael gives her piece a blatant schizophrenic feel.  She pauses after a venomous breakout, tries to compose her self, only to fall into another outburst.  She is fighting against herself.  Rachael’s war is one of humanity verses the beast.  As the piece progresses it the beast she finally gives into.   She was a woman abused and scorned and now she’s a vampire, no longer abused, no longer scorned but with a few ideas on how to get even with her drummer husband and men in general.

Ages- 20-


“Statue of Ganesh holding Buddah, baby Jesus, regular Jesus, Star of David and Crucifix wound in garlic, sprinkled with curry powder.” Hunter cop

Vampire hunter copsThese vampire hunters are presented in a more traditional police officer mold.  They take their work and themselves way to seriously.  The piece is set up like an episode of the reality television show COPS whereby the characters are constantly referring to the UNSEEN, which for all intents and purposes is the invisible television camera in the back seat.  The hunter cops are a play on the John Wayne Americana stereotype.  They strut and smirk and in the denial of certain egomaniacal intent what we perceive is classic cocky.  But killing a vampire may not be as easy as you think, will a Jewish vampire respond to the cross for instance?  Don’t worry these guys have it covered in their elaborate checklist of vampire squelching artifacts. 

Age 20-


“I, too taste your cigarette kiss and blow smoke for the conquest, the delight of yourself thrust upon me.”  William

William- His demeanor is smooth and sure.  He speaks with an eloquent English dialect and wears a black button down Oxford.  It is unchecked and drapes just past mid thigh.  The first three buttons are undone as are the cuffs that hand past his for hand.  His flesh is chalky white and stand out as though fine porcelain.  He scarcely moves as he speaks but when he does it is subtle and measured and always charged with erotic energy.  The tie or allure of sexuality and vampirism are explored more fully in this piece.  It is not really comedic but rather an experiment in eroticism and the vampire.  This character should have the same base sexual undertone as Christopher Lee in the hammer films.

Age 20-


“You think I smell?  I eat to be smelled I forfeit shower privileges to be smelled.  I fart to be noticed.  The pizza deliveryman knows me by my first name and the Krystal hamburger lady frowns when she sees my eighty-eight rabbit clanking through the drive through.  They know its me before they pick up the call in phones or pop on the drive through headsets, why, because they smell my sweet odor.”  Bate

Bate- Most of us would think of Bate as having a serious weight problem but he would beg to differ.  This character is a morbidly obese vampire hunting ninja.  He is used to the wisecracks and cruel way people treat fat folks but the reasons he eats are two fold. After all it’s hard for a vampire to resist someone with that much meat on their bones and blood in their system.  Bate is bait for the undead.  He’s fat and happy about it.

Age 20-


“Wings, angel wings, stirring pixie dust with the night.  Wings, oh sweet angel wings do you hear the devil’s plight?  I am no angel!”  The Vampire Masochist

An art performance piece- Plastic for the stage, a white body suit, blue hand prints, a pink feathered boa, a kit full of sharpened stakes, garlic, and holy water.  Humpty Dumpty with a wicked bongo beat, a shepherds crook for little Bo Peep.  Did I say this was an art performance piece with vampires?



“You know what matters now?  The rush I get when I look into their eyes and see fear…I do that, I make that happen.”  The Axe Hunter

The axe hunter-This is the wicked and dark section of Vampire Monologues. The axe hunter returns and she returns to torture Earle who never quite made it to his Mecca.


“The Pope comes walking up to me, slowly, chanting something.  I’m frozen solid.  Standing at the cross streams of running water.  His words are like the moaning mantra of un death, the rap of the damned in Latin and Yiddish…Kenny G. stands directly behind him, creating music on his saxophone that gives a very surrealistic tint to this torture.” Jonothan

Jonathan-His face in long and pale, a disturbing contrast to his blood red lips, his icy blue eyes and yellow stained teeth.  There is a nervous tension about him.  An awkward compulsion to please and be at ease with the thing inside him he finds repulsive.  He is a stand up comic but rarely does he find humor in the things he talks about.  He is a vampire that can’t stand the sight of blood.  He is obsessive compulsive and now his routine is blown out of proportion.  He likes to be in bed by eight thirty, he doesn’t like to touch dirty things, he is Jewish but he hisses both at the Star of David and the cross just to be on the safe side.  He’s a vampire just looking for a little peace.

Age 25-

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